Co-Parenting During the Holidays: How to Put Your Child First After Divorce

By: Elizabeth Vaz, Esq.

Date: April 20, 2025

Springtime is here, and so is Easter. And while the season may bring up images of pastel baskets, joyful egg hunts, and family dinners, it can also bring up a different set of emotions for divorced parents—tension, confusion, and conflict. The reality of co-parenting through the holidays can be overwhelming, especially when extended family expectations, travel schedules, and emotional triggers all collide.

But here’s the truth: you can get through this—not just with peace, but with a sense of purpose. And it starts with finding common ground with your ex for the benefit of your child, even if that feels a bit unnatural at first.

After divorce, your relationship with your ex doesn’t end—it transforms. And if you share children, that transformation lasts a lifetime. The quality of your co-parenting relationship will impact everything: your child’s self-esteem, their mental health, their sense of stability… and yes, your own peace of mind. This is true on a daily basis, and certainly during the holidays.

The good news is that you don’t need to become best friends to create a cooperative dynamic. You just need one shared priority: your child’s well-being. When the both of you can anchor every decision—especially the hard ones—in that shared goal, everything becomes a little easier. You may still disagree on many things, but when the tone changes, these disagreements can be easily managed. The tension lessens and your child gets to feel something they desperately need: the love and security that they deserve from both of you.

Let’s be honest. Holidays like Easter bring their own special kind of stress. Extended family members want to see the kids. Travel arrangements need to be made. Shopping for just the right outfits or for the Easter basket essentials. There are the holiday dishes to be prepared-sometimes taking days to complete. Traditions may need to be split. And all of the pressure to make things "normal" or "perfect" can leave you feeling anything but.

The reality is holidays don’t have to be a battlefield. They don't have to be so chaotic. In fact, they can be a powerful opportunity to model healthy boundaries, kindness, and flexibility for your children.

Here are Six Ways to Foster Cooperation and Focus on Your Kids After Divorce

1. Get Clear on Your Shared Goal: What’s Best for the Kids

When tensions rise, pause and ask yourself: “What’s actually best for my child in this situation?”

Co-parenting is about your kids—not winning, not proving a point, and not doing things ‘your way’ because that’s how they’ve always been done. This is a hard one- I completely get that. We can almost operate as if we're on autopilot sometimes, but things can change and still be absolutely amazing. Before making plans, talk about what your child wants and needs during the holiday. Are they close to certain cousins? Are they craving predictability? Are they old enough to voice a preference? You never want your kids to feel like they have to "choose" one family gathering over the other- that pressure should not be their burden- but their voice is also important to hear. If they have a strong preference as to where they want to spend the holiday, and it is a feasible solution, then maybe you should consider it. Once you speak with the child, and with your co-parent, let the insights you gain here, be your guide.

2. Plan in Advance (and Put It in Writing)

Uncertainty creates anxiety for everyone—especially children. So don’t wing it.

Talk early. Agree on a plan. Write it down. This last step is REALLY important- please be sure to have this all written out in a clear email or text so there is no confusion later.

Even something as simple as:

• Drop-off and pick-up times

• Any special foods or gifts needed from one parent to give to the other

• Who’s creating/buying and bringing the Easter basket

• Whether photos or video chats with the other parent are welcome during the day

Taking care of logistics ahead of time helps reduce last-minute arguments—and makes things more stable for your child.

3. Make Room for Flexibility

Planning in advance is a great idea but, sometimes, even the best-laid plans don’t go the way you imagined. Maybe grandma’s flight is delayed. Maybe traffic on the Long Island Expressway is at a total stop. Maybe your child isn’t feeling well. Maybe one sibling forgets something, and the other parent has to turn back. Demonstrating your ability to remain flexible during times when these issues will inevitably come up, will go a long way.

Model grace under pressure. Show your child that even when things don’t go exactly as planned, the adults in their life can adapt with kindness and understanding.

This also builds trust—with your child, and sometimes even with your co-parent.

4. Watch Your Words (Especially Around the Kids)

Holiday stress can lead to short tempers—and short tempers often lead to big mistakes.

Be mindful of what you say about your ex or your ex's family members around your kids, especially during these emotionally charged times. Your child should never feel like they’re in the middle, or like they’re being asked to “pick sides.” And this is true even if it's inadvertent- kids know when you want them to like you and your family better, even if you don't say this, word-for-word.

Instead, try phrases like:

• “I know this year looks different, but we both love you.”

• “We worked together to make sure you could spend time with everyone who matters to you.”

• "If you have any questions, know that you can ask me and you can ask (mom/dad)."

These types of conversations with your children don't just diffuse tension—they can help to build emotional safety.

5. Do Not Be Afraid to Compromise for the Long Game

When you’re exhausted or angry, giving an inch can feel like giving everything. Acknowledge these feelings and know that they are perfectly normal to have, especially during the holidays. Yet every peaceful hand-off, every kind word, every time you choose compromise over control—you’re investing in your child’s emotional future. And quite frankly, in your own as well.

Co-parenting isn’t about keeping score. It’s about creating a system that works over time—even if that means one year you do Easter morning and next year you do dinner. Again, be flexible. Remember that consistency and open communication are more important than having a rigid routine.

6. Communicate—Even If It’s Hard

Trust me- I get it. Communication with your ex may not be easy. It might feel draining, triggering, or even impossible at times. But healthy co-parenting often depends on keeping the lines open—at least about your child’s needs and schedules. This "open communication" should never be an opportunity for one parent to start addressing completely off-topic issues so be sure to remind your co-parent that you want to remain focused on the child's well-being and the Easter holiday schedule.

Please keep in mind that if direct contact is too tense, try using a shared parenting app like:

• OurFamilyWizard

• TalkingParents

• AppClose

These apps help reduce misunderstandings, r ensure proper documentation, assist with calendar creation, and set boundaries while keeping the focus on the child.

A Note About Extended Family

It’s not just you and your ex in this dynamic—extended family plays a big role, too. First, I want to say that if your children have extended family they can spend time with at the holidays, this should be celebrated as a source of great joy. Not having any living grandparents, no aunts, no uncles and not one cousin in my life while growing up, I missed out on a lot as a child. Embrace your child's family and encourage them to do the same, especially during the holiday season.

However, there are times when the extended family may not be fostering the same environment of cooperation that you and your co-parent are. Sometimes, well-meaning relatives might unintentionally create drama by doing any of the following:

• Asking your child to “choose” which holiday event they liked better

• Speaking poorly about your ex in front of your child

• Comparing traditions or gift-giving

  
  

Be sure to set boundaries early. This responsibility is on you, as it comes to your family. You may need to be very direct and let this family member know that you and your co-parent are working together to do what’s best for the child—and you’d appreciate their support, not their commentary.

For Your Sanity (And Your Child’s Long-Term Wellness)

Co-parenting isn’t just about avoiding fights. It’s about creating an environment where your child can thrive emotionally, feel secure, and build healthy relationships into adulthood. And it can help everyone celebrate the holiday with some joy and peace!

The studies are clear. They show that kids do best when they:

• Have predictable routines

• Feel safe and loved by both parents

• See their parents treating each other with basic respect

And let’s not forget about you. When co-parenting runs more smoothly, you gain:

• More time for self-care

• Less stress

• And a stronger ability to parent from a grounded, calm place

One Last Thing: The Legal Side

I hear you now- why are we talking about the law here when this is about my kids? I'll tell you why; because it may be important should you and your co-parent not be able to resolve matters and you end up in court. Many people don’t realize this, but judges value cooperative parents and they are not shy about stating so to the both of you. In high-conflict custody cases, the parent who can demonstrate maturity, flexibility, and a child-centered mindset often looks better in the eyes of the court. That is just the reality.

In other words, your calm is your credibility. Even if your co-parent isn’t cooperative, your own behavior still speaks volumes—and it can help protect your legal rights if conflict escalates later. I'm confident this won't happen but, just in case.

Final Thoughts: Choose Peace. Model Strength.

This Easter, or any holiday that brings heightened emotions, remember this:

You don’t have to agree on everything. You don’t even have to like each other. You just have to agree on one thing: Your child deserves to celebrate the holiday in peace.

And when you model that—when you show up with empathy, boundaries, and love—you’re doing more than surviving the holidays. You’re creating a future your child can feel safe in.